


You're a good person, Sana.

by aothes



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Completed, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 05:52:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11029977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aothes/pseuds/aothes
Summary: Post episode 7, clip 1.Isak finds out about the leaked screenshots and all the pain he felt and caused during first year comes rushing back to him.





	You're a good person, Sana.

 

**Monday, May 29th 2017**

**15:00**

Isak had been waiting all day for school to end. He had just had a math test and he needed a nap.

As Isak approached his locker, a few first years shot curious glances his way. It was normal occurrence- having random students gape at him- after he went public with Even. He didn’t mind it really, as long as they kept out of his actual life. That was the thing, people would talk shit, but they would never say it to your face. That was okay with Isak. Isak was done with all the gossip and high school shit- he couldn’t care less. He had his friends and his own life and that’s all he needed. Isak had realized that all the gossiping from first year had only left him more bitter and miserable. Worst of all, it ruined some of the best friendships he’d ever had. He was done with that now.

Still, having all these girls openly stare at him brought him back. Back when he’d been outed to the whole school long before he was ready. It sucked, but it could’ve been worse. At least that’s what Isak told himself. It was too far gone now to hold any serious grudges. Isak wasn’t that type of person.

Sighing, Isak grabbed the last few books in his locker and shoved them in his backpack. Today had been much too long.

Just as Isak shut his locker, his phone vibrated violently in his pocket. Isak quickly grabbed it, expecting it to be Even. Surprisingly- it was Vilde.  
Vilde. Fuck. She hadn’t messaged him since kosegrouppe ended. Isak was more than fine with that.

As Isak opened the message, he was expecting Vilde begging him for a favor. Instead, he got a string of messages that made his blood run cold.

* * *

**15:24**

  
Isak met up with Even outside school, like usual. They both ended early on Mondays. It was normally a good thing. Today, though, Isak wanted nothing more than just to be alone for a bit.

Even noticed Isak’s dull mood immediately, his face falling when Isak rejected his hug. Even didn't push though, knowing that Isak was probably just exhausted from school. It was Monday, after all.

But when Isak refused to look or even speak to Even on their walk to the bus station, Even couldn't help but be concerned. 

Even stopped in his tracks. “Isak-seriously. What’s wrong?”

"Nothing.”

Even raised his eyebrows. “It was nothing-really. It was just my math test. It went shit. Put me in a bad mood, I guess.”

“Isak. You literally sat in lunch and complained for 5 minutes about how fucking easy calculus was and how you studied all night for nothing.”

“Ok, well I lied,” Isak muttered, starting to walk away. Even reached out and gently tugged on Isak’s hand, turning him around to face him.

“You’re still shit at lying.”

 “I've already told you. It’s nothing, okay?” Isak mumbled, biting his lip. “I’ll figure out how to fix it...”

“Fix what?”

Isak scrunched his eyebrows, finally deciding to give in. “It’s just some girl drama, ok? Happy?”

“Girl drama? What? Did something happen with Sana and the girls?” Even asked, clearly concerned.

Isak shuddered at the mention of Sana’s name. Fuck, the first thing he did after replying to Vilde’s message was message Sana. That was nearly 30 minutes ago. Sana still hadn’t answered. Isak was fucking anxious now. He didn’t even know if he wanted Sana to reply, at this point.

As all these thoughts flooded Isak’s brain, he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Isak? You’re scaring me. What’s going on?” Even draped his arm across Isak’s shoulder, rubbing comforting circles with his hand. Isak wanted to just come out and tell him. He really, really did. Isak’s conscience was eating him alive.

All those screenshots from Vilde brought back months of bad memories. Honestly, it was a slap in the face every time he even saw Sara, but it was getting better. He had been doing everything right. He straight up ignored her messages- for months now. He apologized to Eva. He even apologized to Emma. He was trying. He really was. But he couldn’t escape his past. It all came flooding back, and now it was hurting people all over again. Is this how Even felt?

Isak wanted to tell Even but then he’d have to explain everything else. That was too much pressure. Too much honesty. No one- not a single soul- knew everything Isak had done. All the lies he’d gotten away. In fact, looking back, he had come out of it unscathed. He didn’t deserve that.

 _He_ was the one who willingly stayed with a girl who made it her mission to talk shit about everyone and everything. He never joined in on her gossip, but fuck, it wasn’t like he went out of his way to stop her either. He was the one who willingly screwed over Eva and Jonas. Eva forgave him, even went as far as to protect him. Jonas didn’t even know.

 _He_ was the one who used countless girls just to keep up this persona that no one was even forcing on him. He was the one who led on Sara and Emma. Sara was still under the impression that Isak actually liked her-loved her even- when they broke up.

  
And now, all the memories, the pain, the hateful words were coming back. For everyone to see. Everyone would eventually be aware of how much of an asshole Isak was. Maybe he still was.

Worst of all, Isak thought, he didn’t have a clue on what to do. He apologized to Vilde immediately but that didn’t fix anything. Her dirty laundry was still out there for everyone to see. Everyone else mentioned in those messages would get hurt too.

  
Isak was once again reminded that he didn’t defend anyone. These people, some of which, called him a friend, were all ripped apart by Sara and he had done nothing. He was so concerned about keeping Sara as his girlfriend that he couldn’t care less about how awful of a person she is. Well, maybe he did care. No- he _did_ care.

He remembers all the lonely nights he spent reading the 300 word rants Sara would send him. He remembers how he would cringe at how carelessly she threw around her words-how easy it seemed for her to judge someone and completely disregard their feelings. But he also remembers how he would take a deep breath and spend hours trying to think of something to say only to reply back with a “haha.”

So, yeah, maybe Isak did care. He just didn’t care enough. He never cared enough.

“Isak?” Even gripped Isak’s arm even tighter around his shoulders.

Shit. Isak had forgotten Even was even there. He was lost in his thoughts. Lost in the madness. He felt his eyes burn. He prayed that he wouldn’t cry. Not here. Not now.

“Even- can we just walk home instead?”

“Yeah. Whatever you want.”

They walked home in silence. Isak shrugged off Even’s arm halfway to their apartment and Even didn’t reach out again. He got the message.

* * *

**15:34**

When they arrived home, Isak had never wanted a bigger apartment more. Their “bedroom” and “living room” were combined, and the only separate space was the kitchen. It was nearly impossible for Isak to get away from Even, so he didn’t bother trying.

After taking off his shoes and putting his bag down, Isak buried himself in their dirty duvet. He was exhausted, and for the first time, sleep came to him easily.

* * *

**21:16**

When Isak woke up, the sun had already gone down. Even was sitting across the apartment, using his laptop. He had changed into sweats and he was wearing a plain oversized, grey shirt. Isak couldn’t help but feel his heart swell at how soft and at home Even looked.

Even’s face lit up once he noticed Isak was up. “Hey, you’re up. Hungry?” Isak shook his head, still in a sleep daze.

"Okay, then do you want some tea?" Even offered, gesturing to the cup that was sitting on the bedside table. 

  
Isak felt bad about shutting down Even earlier, but he couldn’t quite get himself to apologize, so he took the tea and smiled gratefully. It was the least he could do. Even was really trying.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Hmm?” Isak asked, still drinking the tea. It was a little gross, in all honesty.

“Wanna talk about…the stuff with..the girls?” Even asked, carefully drawing out each word as if scared to set Isak off again. Isak’s heart clenched at that.

“It’s sort of a long story-” Isak began.

“It’s okay. I have time,” Even replied, reciting the same words Isak had told him when Even told him about Bakka. They both shared a small smile over that.

If Even could do it, maybe he could too, Isak hought.

“I…I don’t know where to begin,” Isak mumbled, playing with his sleeves. Even’s face seemed to crumble at Isak’s nervous gesture and he made his way over to where Isak was sitting in the bed. Even climbed into bed, and laid both Isak and himself down. Isak crawled over, now sitting half on top of Even, just under the crook of his arm. It was Isak’s favorite position and some of his tension instantly released. Isak buried himself deeper, breathing in Even’s scent. Even was easily his favorite person, Isak thought.

“I…uh. Well, you know how first year I dated a girl?” Isak asked. Even only hummed in reply, urging Isak to continue as he toyed with Isak's blond curls. “Her name’s Sara. She used to be Eva’s friend… actually. And I dated her for a while. I only dated her because it was easy, you know? Everyone knew who she was, and for some reason, she liked me too. We met at a party and she tried to..” Isak’s voice cracked. Isak remembers the party they first met at clearly. It was right after a particularly rough night with his parents. He only went to the party because that’s where Jonas was, and the free booze seemed like a good idea, too.

“She tried to hook up with you?” Even said, trying to finish up Isak’s thought.

“Uhm. Yes.” Isak nervously continued. He didn’t like looking back at that night often, if at all. “And somehow, the next week rumors spread about how we hooked up in the bathroom and suddenly she asked me out. It was easy to pretend at first. All I had to do was just nod my head enthusiastically when someone would praise me for landing someone so hot as a first year nobody…A lot more people knew me after that. Mostly as Sara’s boyfriend. But still- it was nice. I guess."

Even nodded. "That makes sense."

"It wasn’t a very sexual relationship," Isak continued. "I was mostly her online therapist. She would send these crazy long rants on facebook. Like literally 100, 200 word ones. She would just talk shit about everyone- even her own friends.”

  
For the first time since Isak started talking, he looks up at Even. Even who is looking at him with eyes filled with only love and patience. Isak wondered how Even would look at his after he was done telling him the whole story.

After clearing his throat, Isak continued. “She said stuff about Vilde. Bad stuff. Personal stuff about her family. Me of all people should’ve known how hurtful that is. And she said stuff about Eva too. Eva- the girl who was my best friend for years. And,” Isak scoffed, tears prickling his eyes once again.

“I did nothing. I would even reply just to appease her. But I didn’t defend a single person. Not even my fucking friends. I was too selfish to even try. I knew I needed Sara as a girlfriend. She was popular and she was good for my reputation. She was a bad person but I put up with it. Hell, I even enabled her.”

“So you’re feeling guilty about all of this?” Even asked. Isak simply nodded, drained.

Even readjusted his arm, and let out a soft sigh. “Baby, we all make mistakes. Like you told me, we all deserve to move on-”

“No. Don’t make this about you-”

“Isak-”

“No.” Isak spoke up firmly, looking up directly at Even’s eyes. “This is completely different. You didn’t deserve any of that shit from Bakka. None of it. Your friends were in the wrong. You didn’t actively try to hurt people. You were mistreated and ignored. You were frustrated and lonely but you suffered the most in the end. You weren’t trying to hurt anyone-”

“Isak… I don’t think you deserved this either. You’re not this malicious person you think you are-”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know the full story, Even.” Isak said, frustrated. Isak would normally be flattered that Even thinks so highly of him. But now, he just felt frustrated. No one knew who he really was inside.

Even looked like he wanted to argue but he didn’t. Instead he just nodded, running his hand across Isak’s cheeks. Isak was crying now.

“Okay then, tell me- tell me the full story.”

Isak looked up to see that Even was completely serious. His eyes had darkened considerably, probably now just realizing how much this was affecting Isak.

“I was called gay a lot. It wasn't full on bullying, typical banter I guess. But it hurt me so much more because I couldn't even deny it properly. It felt like they could see right through me. I was trying to hard, yet somehow it felt like they could just tell. I tried to suppress the feelings. And it was easy enough, until I started liking... Jonas."

"We were best friends. He was like my only friend. When he started dating Ingrid, it hurt, but I could handle it. He wasn't that into her so not that much changed. But a couple months later, he hooked up with Eva at a party and suddenly it was like I was second best. He liked Eva so much more than Ingrid. Everyone could tell- Ingrid included. Ingrid and her friends were so pissed off about Jonas cheating that they made it their mission to make Eva's life a living hell. Ingrid and Eva were best friends, but after Jonas, they did so much shit to her. She only had me and Jonas. Or just Jonas, honestly."

"Just looking at her pissed me off sometimes. So I did anything I could to make myself feel better. I would make fun of her grades and stuff. And when she saw that Jonas was texting Ingrid again, I made her feel insecure. Made her feel like Jonas was cheating on her just like he cheated on Ingrid. And then when it all got too much and she kissed Chris at a party, she told me. She confessed to me that she cheated and she felt so bad about it. I knew Jonas would forgive her if she told him herself so I told her to keep her mouth shut so I could out her instead. After that her life was ruined. She was bullied so badly. Called a slut. It was so bad she wanted to transfer schools." Isak took a shuddering breath. He was almost sobbing at this point. He had apologized to Eva for ruining her relationship with Jonas, but never for the relentless bullying.

"And when she found out I did that, she never told Jonas. She kept me safe. She knew Jonas was all I had, but she still didn't tell him. Even though I deserved to lose him," Isak was almost hyperventilating at this point and Even pulled Isak closer, so his head was buried under his arm.

"So after all that, I still betrayed her. I still stood by as Sara called her a slut. I didn't say anything. Everything's worked out so far for me... Eva didn't betray me. I used Emma and she outed me but my friends still accepted me. I got you. I got everything I wanted and now everything I've gotten away with is gonna blow up in my face."

"What do you mean, baby?" Even whispered.

"Today, after school, I got some messages from Vilde. She sent me a bunch... of messages. Screenshots, actually. Screenshots that showed my conversations with Sara of her talking shit. Vilde didn't even seem angry, just scared and hurt."

"How... how did Vilde get screenshots? From Sara?"

"God, no. Those screenshots were taken from my facebook account. My profile picture is cropped out but everyone already guessed I was the one that Sara sent those messages to."

"Who... who has access to your account? Who would do that to you and the girls?"

Isak shakes his head, "That's the best part," Isak mutters bitterly. "I have no idea. Or maybe..." Isak trailed off, shrugging.

"Or what?" Even asked, clearly sensing Isak's discomfort. "Isak, who do you think did this?"

"I... no one knows my facebook login. And I could've been hacked, but...I think... I think it was Sana."

"Sana?" Even asked, now sitting up from bed. "Why would she do that to you?"

Isak continued laying in bed, unsure how much to say. "I think...I think that there's been some drama going on. Between her and Sara. I don't think they've ever liked each other, but I think that Sana wanted to get back at her. I talked to Sana last week in school. She was all by herself and she was watching Eva, Vilde, Noora and Sara from the window. She was so on edge. I tried joking with her, but she was just completely icing me out. And uhh, I told her some stuff to help her feel better. About how fake Sara is."

"Okay..." Even said calmly, "How would she have gotten into your facebook?"

"When she came over on Friday." Isak said. The more he said out loud, the more it made sense. Logistically, anyway. Isak didn't want to believe it. He really didn't, but he had thought of every other possibility. Nothing else added up. He had never told a single soul about those messages Sara sent him, besides Sana. He was sure as hell that Sara would never spill that much incriminating dirt about _herself._  And fuck, why would anyone in Nissen hack him of all people? Everything pointed to Sana. 

When Isak looked over at Even, however, he couldn't look more lost. 

"I...I don't want to believe it either. I don't... it's not like her. I don't understand shit. But she's been weird for weeks, Even. She's never around the girls anymore. She hardly talks to me in class and whenever I offer to hang out, she rejects me. Which I'm fine with- I get it. She has her own friends- but the _one_ time she accepted was on Friday. And that day, I...I saw her using my laptop and now it all makes sense. She was acting so weird too," Isak said. "I think this Sara thing got to her and now...now she did this."

Isak had stopped crying by now but thinking about Friday made Isak wanna cry all over again. Sana was the last person he'd accuse of doing something like this. But the facts were all laid out. It had to be her. Sana had even given him the speech about the past staying in the past. Now, her actions were causing all the pain from Isak's past to come flooding back. He deserved it though, so he couldn't blame her. There had been an inital feeling of betrayal, but Isak felt that deep down, he deserved to be thrown under the bus. It still hurt that Sana was the one to do it, though. 

Isak ran his hands down his face, wiping at his eyes. He had just spent hours sleeping but he still felt so tired. "I messaged her today. I told her I wanted to talk and that I wasn't angry. She still hasn't replied, Even."

Even looked down at Isak with an unreadable expression, clearly at loss with all the information shoved at him in the past hour. "You did the right thing. And...Isak, it's okay for you to be angry. What Sana did... it's not right. I don't know what's going on with her and the girls but I _know_ Sana. She has a bigger reason and she would never purposely try to stab you in the back. But it's still wrong. You're still hurt because of it, baby and-"

"I did some wrong things, too-"

"No ones ignoring that. Sana shouldn't get a free pass just because you fucked up too."

"Still- Sana... she's a good person-"

"And you're not? Isak, you're the most selfless person I know. You care. You genuinely care. And I know that sometimes others don't see it. They don't see how genuine and considerate you really are. But the people closest to you, they all know." Even said carefully, looking right into Isak's eyes. "You've overcome so much. You've been through so much as a child. Hell, you're still a child. You're only 17, Isak. The things you did when you were 16 and closeted and lonely and scared shouldn't be held against you forever. Especially when every fucking single day I see you- I _see you_ trying to be better. You try so hard to make sure I'm okay. You try and make sure that no one feels as shitty as you felt when you were 16. You make mistakes all the time but every single time you make a mistake, you learn from it. You've always been a good person, baby. I know that. There's nothing else in the world I'm more sure of," 

Isak was crying again, and now Even was tearing up too. "I'm so sorry, Isak. I'm so sorry that you went through that, but you've come out to be this amazing person. You help me so much. You remind me everyday that there's still good in this world."

Isak didn't know how to respond to all that praise. But it felt nice. For the first time that evening, Isak felt a warm feeling pulse through his chest. Isak closed his eyes and tried to let Even's words sink deep into his body. Isak tucked his head under Even's arm and let himself be held tight.

"Isak, no matter what happens tomorrow, remember, you're a good person. You can't take everything you did back but you're trying, okay? That's all that matters."

"I love you," Isak said, because that's the only thing Isak could think. All he could feel in that moment was mind numbing love for the one person who always saw the good in him. 

"I love you, too."

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoyed <333 this was a lot longer than i anticipated  
> s4 has been a mess tbh but today's clip was amazing. I wish the best for sana, isak and even. what sana did was wrong, but i know that she'll have a hell of a redemption arc :'( she's a good person, i believe she'll set this right
> 
> there's so much more I wanted to cover about Isak's past (he really has been through hell), but i already had sooo much dialogue:( this is slightly ooc, but idk i really wanted to delve into isaks guilt. can you guys tell i love him? lol <3
> 
> sorry for any mistakes and thanks for any feedback! :)


End file.
